New York - New Delhi - New Year.

i have arrived in delhi (!!) the weather was perfect when i landed mid-afternoon. i felt slow and spacious, easing into my re-location with a sense of awareness and welcoming. the taxi driver was kind enough to wait for me while i bought a coffee, although he did tell me just to get one later.

but home, didn't quite have that feeling. not to sound pretentious to 'western' ears, but our maid hasn't come in a few days and the place is DIRTY. Dust that has coated all the furniture and surfaces, and seemed immediately leave a cloudy, grindy, residue on my eyes, hair and fingertips. The place smelt distinctly like rotting cabbage. By all estimations the kitchen could have last been cleaned when V & I left. Three weeks ago.

I decided to try the washroom. My toilet doesn't flush. I have to turn on a water heater (called a 'geezer' by the locals) and wait for my hot shower. My hot bath. My hot... water coming out of a below-waste-tap that I need to crouch under because of how calcified the bottom of the 'bathing bucket' has become. 

Oh, I'm so post-flight discombobulated & dehydrated! Is the water from the cooler that one time was contaminated safe to drink now? How I miss tap water. Maybe NYC water is also splattered with too many chemicals for us to count, but at least it won't kill me right away.

These are definitely different experiences of home. What even was home like when I landed in New York? Did it really smell of coffee or did I make that up? Was everything really glowing, or was it just seeing my mom drenched in early morning sunlight on the yellow sofa?

I lit some incense, whispered blessings to welcome the new year, and got to unpacking. Girls gotta do what girls gotta do. Delhi will be challenging, but I'm up for it. 

I went on a 45 minute walk to clear my head, wincing from the smell of urine, suffocating just from breathing, and shaking my head solemnly at the silhouette of a man huddled around an incinerating pile of garbage in a vacant trash collection site.

When I'm here, the relentless push of human life keeps me moving forward. I am sticking to my New York City-isms and am focusing on not only doing more this year, but doing it better. I am determined to gain a deeper understanding of the realities of this place. To engage with it, learn from it, and grow into, through, and out of this experience. 

And more and more I see social, environmental, and political issues here are not simply seeping out of Indian soil, as if they are endemic qualities - this bargaining, laziness, ruthlessness and the usual criticism. While corruption is commonplace, people are entrapped in a complicated and aggressive colonial history and disembodied global economy.

Does that mean there is nothing to be done? History is over with - better accept it? The political economy is too massive to deal with? Men, women, and children will have to take whatever jobs they can if they want to survive?

No, I don't believe so. And there are too many great people and organizations working towards a more equal, healthy, democratic, and breathable India for me to shrug my shoulders. These challenges are not something I can fix, but I sure as hell can be a part of the dialogue and action that strive for change. Fo Sho.

Happy new year everyone.

Keep it up - your happiness, your work, your craft, art, sport, dance, food, you name it. 

Just do it, and do it better.

Invest in yourself with greater attentiveness and appreciation. 

You can at least thank yourself for that at the end of the day.